


Fool's Imaginarium

by kadabralin



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Minor Axel/Saïx (Kingdom Hearts), Post-Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:38:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14698158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadabralin/pseuds/kadabralin
Summary: Axel lived a perfectly normal life in a perfectly normal city working a perfectly normal job. He fought shadow monsters for a living, sometimes shagged his superior, and overslept on the weekends. His life hadalwaysbeen normal... Until one night he wakes with strange amnesia and reality seems to be unraveling at the seams. Is his boring, mundane life finally causing him to crack? Or has his life never been normal from the start?Canon divergent AU, post-DDD. Axel/Roxas with some Axel/Saix.





	1. Chapter 1

It was cold and dark when he came back to consciousness, and his head was absolutely _killing him_. In fact, his entire body ached like he'd been hit by a truck, and the ground was damp and chilly beneath him. When he blinked away the blur from his eyes he stared up to the top of an alleyway, the sky obscured by overhanging roofs and stacks of boxes. Water dripped down and landed on his face every now and again.

He had absolutely no memory of how he got here, or where he even was. 

Slowly, cautiously, using the scratchy brick walls as support, he staggered to his feet, pushing through the way his head swam with every movement. Had he been mugged? Face pressed against the brick he weakly patted his back pocket. His wallet was still there, tucked away where it always was, so nothing had been stolen...

He dragged himself out of the alley and onto a brightly lit sidewalk, the light blinding and making his head throb. Stumbling backwards he tried to shield his face with his arm, he couldn't god damn _see_ , but was startled by the screech of tires on asphalt and a car horn blaring in his ears. He could feel the speed of the vehicle as it swerved and passed around him, horn still blaring and someone yelling obscenities out the window. He still couldn't see well, but he picked a direction and ran until his foot caught the curb of the sidewalk and he fell face first into wet cement.

" _Ffffffuck_."

"Are you alright?"

Someone squatted down beside him, extending a hand. He slowly turned his head and looked up, noting the bright blonde hair shining in the streetlights. A girl. She looked so familiar...

"You almost got hit by that car. Are you hurt?"

He reached out a hand to grasp hers, grateful for the help, and pulled himself to his feet. Wow, she was short. He towered over her like a gangly, red-headed bean pole.

"I'm fine. Just... lost." Understatement of the century. 

The girl looked at him like she didn't believe him. "Oh. Where are you headed?"

Good question.

"I'm..." It was hard to think, it was hard to see, and now he had to make decisions. Where _was_ he trying to go? But suddenly, like magic, an image popped into his head, an address, and he rattled it off like he'd known it by heart his whole life. The girl smiled at him, and took his hand.

"That's not far from here. I'll show you."

They walked, in silence, the girl leading him down the eerily empty sidewalk and keeping his head bowed to avoid the light. And then they stopped and she dropped his hand.

"Here we are." 

He glanced up, relieved by the sight of something familiar. It was home. Of course. He lived on the third floor. How could he not remember that? 

"Thanks for help."

"My name is Namine. You should find me sometime."

He opened his mouth to respond, to give this helpful stranger his name, but realized he couldn't remember that, either. It felt stuck, like his brain was a muddy swamp and he didn't have the energy to unstick it. Not that it mattered, anyway, because by the time he looked back down in her direction she was gone, just a glimpse of shimmery hair vanishing around a corner. He stood there and stared for a while, until finally his feet started moving him through the door of the building, and he ascended the stairs sluggishly. He felt like he was on autopilot, the world a fog, leading him up and up and down a hallway, fishing keys out of his pocket and through the door of his apartment. 

He was vaguely aware of kicking off a single boot, and shuffling toward his bed in the darkness. But he was out like a light before he even landed on top of the covers, sinking into the depths of murky slumber.

* * *

He felt like complete shit. 

His alarm clock beeped shrilly beside him, pulling him unceremoniously out of slumber. With a disgruntled groan he smacked at the clock a few times with his hand to shut it up. But all he managed to do was knock it to the floor. 

_What the hell did I do last night?_

It felt like the worst hangover of his life. He felt dizzy, nauseated, and sore, and he’d puke if it weren’t for the aggressive emptiness of his stomach. The only saving grace of the morning, really. His memories of the night before were vague, but based on what he _did_ remember, he seemed to be feeling somewhat better. He could at least remember this name.

 

_axel axel axel axelaxelaaxelaxel_

Saix would have his hide if he was late, but Axel was beyond actually caring. It was a miracle he could pull himself out of bed at all. Once he finally managed to fish the alarm clock off the floor he stumbled his way into the bathroom. He braced his hands against the sink to keep himself upright as he looked in the mirror. Wow. He looked like shit.

His clothes were a dirty, crumpled mess. Red hair in knots and sticking up every which way. Pale and sweaty with deep shadows under his eyes. Axel examined himself carefully. Hadn’t he almost been hit by a car? He looked mostly in one piece… In the midst of pulling down his lower eyelid something gave him pause. For a moment he thought he saw markings. Under his eyes? 

But when he looked again there was nothing. Just the bruised evidence of his poor sleep habits.

Weird.

By the time he’d thrown himself in the shower, dressed, and inhaled two entire muffins on the walk to work, Axel was starting to feel much more like himself. Less hazy, more focused, though still headachy and sluggish.

“Great start to the work week,” he grumbled to himself, sucking chocolate and muffin crumbs off his thumb. “Two hours late? Not bad.” He jabbed the button for the 13th floor once he entered the elevator of the tall, glass building where he worked. He didn’t exactly have a fear of heights, but sometimes Axel wondered where he’d end up if he rode the elevator all the way to the top, Floor 160. Who worked there? Why? It gave him vertigo just thinking about it.

“Well look who finally decided to show up.” Axel was greeted by Xigbar as he stepped out of the elevator, a teasing but somehow malicious grin on the other man’s face. “I’d keep your head down if I were you. Saix has been on a rampage all morning.”

Axel sighed, running a hand down his face. “Thanks for the heads up.”

“Anytime!”

With crappy, breakroom coffee nursed in his hands, Axel had only been at his desk for less than a minute before Saix appeared behind him. He could practically feel the anger radiating off him, eyes glaring daggers into his back. He wondered how the clipboard in Saix’s hands didn’t crumble into dust from the iron grip.

“You’re late.” Saix’s words were calm and collected, but Axel knew better. 

“Sorry, I had a rough night last night.”

“You should have called ahead.”

“Are you going to lecture me all morning or can I get back to work?” Axel set his coffee down and swivelled around in his chair to face his blue-haired overlord. He and Saix had been friends for years, since childhood. He wondered when he’d become such a giant stick in the mud.

To his surprise, Saix didn’t respond right away. Instead he squinted at him silently, looking him up and down, lips pressed in a thin line.

"You look terrible."

"Tell me something I don't know, please."

"If you're sick, go home."

"I'd considered that, but..." Staying home might have been the more responsible adult to do, but the idea of laying around in bed all day somehow made him feel worse. Going to work was part of his normal routine. Might as well stick with it. "It's just a hangover."

Saix looked thoroughly unimpressed and even less sympathetic.

"If that's the case," he looked down at his clipboard, flipping over a page. "There's been an unusual increase in monster sightings over on the west side of town. I'm pairing you with Roxas to investigate tonight." Saix scribbled on the paper and looked up. "Try not to drink too much before then."

"You got it, boss."

Actually, he hated night work, but at least it meant he could take it easy for a few hours and go home after lunch. Maybe he could catch a nap. Have a proper meal… Axel turned around in his chair, back towards his desk, just as someone walked by. It took him a moment to recognize him, but once he did, something twisted uncomfortably inside his chest. Thumping, pulling, almost afraid. Axel held out his hand and waved.

"Yo, Roxas. We're working together tonight."

Roxas stopped in his tracks and turned to face him, surprise on his face, which melted into confusion, and finally suspicion.

"You're talking to me?"

"So?"

"You _never_ talk to me."

Axel sat back, perplexed for a moment. They'd been coworkers for a year and he'd never spoken a word to the kid? He certainly couldn't remember. _Wow, I’m an asshole._

"Sorry. Times change. Don't hold it against me."

Roxas didn't look completely convinced, but he slowly shrugged. 

"You look like death warmed over, by the way."

Jeez, did he actually look _that_ bad? Even Saix had been concerned. 

"That's what happens when you become an alcoholic. Let that be a lesson to you." Drinking was his excuse, anyway. Actually, Axel wasn't much of a drinker at all, not since his teenage years, and he was pretty sure he hadn't been drinking last night, but it definitely felt like he'd been mixing cheap liquors. Maybe it was just the flu. Or he’d eaten an old dirty water dog from a particularly sketchy hot dog cart… Axel went back to work and the day passed agonizingly slow. After lunch he slept off most of the afternoon and by midnight he was dressed in uniform, drab black robe and gloves, waiting for Roxas at the rendezvous point.

It was painfully awkward.

“Aren’t you a little young to be working for the Organization?” Axel finally broke the silence of the last few hours as they walked down a barely lit street.

“Uh, no. I’m not a kid. I’m nineteen.” Roxas seemed highly perturbed by the question.

“Really? You’re pint sized for your age.”

“Wow. How’s the weather up there?”

Axel cracked a smile. “Hah. I haven’t heard that one since I was eight.”

It was three hours into the night and he’d all but given up on running into any beasts. He figured he might as well make the most of the evening, maybe try to get to know Roxas a little better. Make up for the entire year he apparently ignored him. Two side streets later and Axel had led them on a detour to the 24-7 fast food restaurant he frequented. 

Axel handed Roxas a paper-wrapped cone swirled high with artificially colored blue frozen dairy dessert.

“Ice cream at 3 in the morning?” Roxas plopped down on a nearby bench, taking a tentative lick of his ice cream.

“Why not? You have to reward yourself after a day’s hard work.” Hours of walking around the city in the middle of the night definitely counted.

Roxas was wrinkling his nose, squinting at his cone. "It's salty."

" _And_ sweet. It's salted caramel."

"But why is it _blue_?"

Axel could only shrug. The only thing important was flavor, but he was also enjoying the perplexed look on Roxas's face as they ate.

"I always thought you hated me." Roxas was looking down, fiddling with the crumpled piece of paper from his ice cream cone.

Axel was perplexed. "What? Why would I hate you?"

Roxas looked up, seeming embarrassed.

"When I first started working at the Organization, you completely ignored me. And sometimes you'd look past me like I wasn't even there." He kicked the ground with the bottom of his shoe. "I know I'm not my brother, but..."

"Your brother?"

"Uh yeah, Ventus? I joined after the accident, to replace him?"

Axel's mind felt blank, like the memory should have been there but had somehow been erased. The look on his face must have given away his confusion, because suddenly Roxas was angry.

"What's wrong with you! You two were friends! Did you seriously _forget_?"

The name rang around his mind, somehow familiar but not, trying desperately to recall who _Ventus_ was, and just wanting Roxas to not look at him like that, anymore. For Roxas to smile. 

"Sorry, Roxas. I..." And then the memory was there, all at once. Ventus had been his partner, his friend, until that night, a hooded figure, dressed in all black, and Ventus was... "Sorry. Yeah. I know. I didn't realize that's why you joined."

Roxas looked sullen. "You don't even visit him in the hospital."

"I've been busy." He was sounding more and more like a jerk by the second. What kind of friend forgets their comatose friend in the hospital? "We can head there after our shift is up, if you want."

"Seriously?" He looked just slightly more cheerful at the suggestion.

"Yeah." Axel leaned back on the bench, leg crossed over one knee, stretching his arms up in the air. "It's about time I paid him a visit. And since your brother was my friend, we're friends, too. I'll try to be less of an asshole."

But Roxas wasn't listening. He was suddenly staring off into the distance, and out of curiosity he looked out, too. Off in the distance, under a streetlight, stood a hooded figure, dressed in black, unmoving. They looked like--

"It's them!" Roxas jumped up, blade drawn, and he was already running ahead. "The guy who hurt Ventus!"

 _Shit_.

"For fucks sake, Roxas, you can't just run on ahead--" He was running after him, as the hooded figure dashed off into the shadows, and wow, Roxas was fast. And by the time he'd caught up, in a dead end alley, Axel realized they weren't alone, and the hooded stranger was nowhere to be found.

"It's about time some monsters showed up."

Roxas wasn't holding back. Two, three monsters were destroyed and dissolving at his feet, and Axel hadn't even killed anything yet. But it was obvious Roxas cared more about their mysterious stalker than his actual job. 

"Yo. Roxas. You go after them. I've got this." It was probably a terrible idea to try and take it all on himself, especially since their mission was to investigate the cause of the monster increase. But...

"Axel, look out!" 

He didn't even have a chance to turn around, or even summon his fire. A monster had snuck up behind them, pouncing and pinning him to the ground with a snarl, the chilly void of the things existence seeping into his skin. If he'd been in better shape he probably could have defended himself better, but not even Roxas was quick enough.

He felt claws, ripping into his skin, through his torso and stomach, tearing and pulling, the taste of blood in his mouth, inky blackness in his eyes.

And he was falling.

Falling

falling

falling

down into the earth, into the nothingness below, where the world shuddered and buzzed incessantly with static. Static in his skull, in his eyes, like a swarm of angry bees until it consumed him and everything with it.

And then he was awake.


	2. Chapter 2

He practically launched himself out of bed, ripping off his bedsheets and pulling up his shirt… but there was nothing. No marks, no bruises, not even a scratch. He was alone in his apartment, breathing hard in a panic. He could have sworn he'd just...

Axel took a breath and reached out for his phone, guided only by the blinking notification light in the corner of the pitch black room. Fifteen text messages. _Fifteen._

He scrolled through quickly. A strangely threatening "get well soon" from Larxene, a text from Saix, telling him to take the day off, and the rest were from Roxas.

> * HEY
> 
> * It’s Roxas are you ok
> 
> * Did you get home ok???
> 
> * Saix said you're not coming in you got hit pretty hard last night
> 
> * Are you awake
> 
> * AXEL ANSWER ME
> 
> * Did you die
> 
> * ???????????
> 
> * ???????
> 
> * ????
> 
> * Ok it's been 8 hours 
> 
> * I'm coming over
> 
> * Unlock your door

Wow.

Axel put the phone down and pulled himself out of bed, pulling back the blackout curtains from the nearby window and wincing at the sunlight. It must have been a nightmare, getting eaten alive by a goddamn monster.

He shuddered.

Maybe it was time to find a new line of work.

He'd closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the warmth of the window, contemplating changing his name and moving across the country before he developed PTSD, when there was an aggressive knock at the door, followed by the doorknob rattling, and more knocking.

"Axel! Hey, Axel! Open up!"

Oh, he'd been _serious_.

"Yeah, yeah, hold your horses, I'm coming." With a sigh, Axel pushed himself away from the window and unlocked his front door, pulling it open to reveal an incredibly relieved Roxas.

"You never answered my texts."

"I was sleeping. Why are you here?" How did he get his address?

"I was worried about you."

"I'm flattered." Axel ran a hand through his hair and pushed the door open a little wider. No one else from the organization had even bothered to check up on him when he'd taken a nasty spill, except maybe Ventus. Might as well invite the kid in.

"Why is it so dark in here?"

Axel flipped on the overhead light and leaned against the wall.

"Like I said. I was sleeping."

Roxas seemed to make himself right at home, taking a seat at the foot of his unmade bed.

"That monster must have got me good last night."

"Monster?" Roxas, who had been in the middle of awkwardly looking over the contents of his bedside table, looked up in confusion. "We didn't run into any monsters last night."

"Oh?" That wasn't what he remembered at all, but... sure. It wasn't as if his memory had been the greatest the last few days.

"That hooded figure, the one that put Ventus in the hospital. They ambushed us and knocked you out."

...Well then.

Axel rubbed at his face. "Fine. That weirdo. What happened to them?"

"I tried to chase them, but..." Roxas fidgeted. "They opened some kind of portal and disappeared.” He looked down at his hands, his face showing obvious discomfort. Uncertainty, maybe. Distrust? “I think... I think they're controlling the monsters."

"Huh."

"I'm serious! It looked so _evil_. They have to be behind it."

"Interesting theory. Did you report that to Saix?"

Roxas looked away, guilt all over his expression, hand clenching the bedsheet.

"Roxas..."

"Look. Saix doesn't... Something isn't right. I don't trust Saix, but I trust _you_." Axel was surprised. Just last night the kid admitted he thought he was disliked. The sudden change in dynamic was giving him whiplash. "And you knew my brother, so."

"So that's what this is about." Roxas was only here because of Ventus. Of course. To think he'd believed Roxas cared about his wellbeing.

"It isn't like that!" Roxas retorted, almost defiantly. "I joined the Organization to find the guy who put Ventus in the hospital, and you're the only one that knows who that is, kind of. You want to find them, too, right? The sooner we do that, the sooner I can leave." He spoke as if he didn't care that joining the Organization was a life sentence. "Saix knows something but he won't tell me anything. I thought _you_ hated me, but he _definitely_ hates me."

Axel took a moment to process this, trying to wrap it around his still sleep-addled mind, and looked at the way Roxas sat almost slumped on the bed, almost pleading. Sad. Desperate. How could he say no? Axel took a long, deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay," he said slowly, pulling away from the wall. "Okay. You want me to help you find out who this person is, and catch them? Possibly stopping the monster attacks, too.” He wasn’t positive about Roxas’s bizarre theory, but it was as good as any. Maybe he knew more than he was letting on. “That won't fix Ventus." He licked his lips. "But fine. I'll bite. Just don't blab about it to anyone, got it?" He'd address Roxas's feelings about Saix later. He did seem a bit off lately...

Roxas was smiling now, and got up from off the bed. It was weird, how pleased he felt to see Roxas actually smile, and it was almost scary how similar he looked to Ventus. You'd think they were twins. And suddenly Roxas was hugging him, squeezing him a little tighter than what was necessary.

"Thanks."

Gingerly, Axel rested the top of his hand against Roxas's hair. This was weird, but nice.

"Have you eaten breakfast? I have some eggs in the fridge."

He didn't feel right going behind Saix's back to investigate Organization matters in secret, but maybe it would work out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some Saix/Axel in this. You have been warned.

Axel was starting to wonder if Roxas’s weird theory was correct.

There were no monster sightings for days. Not even a hint of one. That weird hooded guy? Not a trace of them, either. It had to be a coincidence, though. Had to. It would be _way_ too convenient if the person behind the monster attacks was the same guy who hurt Ventus… Wouldn’t it?

In any case, despite the eerie calm around the city, Saix was still insisting on working everyone to the bone. They had to do their due diligence to keep the city safe and all that. Whatever. The most frustrating thing was he kept ending up on night missions. By the end of the week Axel was cranky and tired and _dying_ for a days worth of warm sunlight. He fantasized about taking some vacation time and spending the whole time at the beach.

Heat of the sun burning his skin, sand squished between his toes, the taste of sea salt on his lips. The waves crashing against the shore, whispering, whispering, tempting him with secrets, a promise to keep…

“Hey Axel.” Axel was rudely shaken from his thoughts by a jab in the side. He opened an eye and peered down at Roxas sitting beside him.

“Yeah?” 

Roxas made the night missions more bearable.

“Just making sure you weren’t sleeping.”

Axel stretched, lifting his arms over his head, feeling his back pop and crackle, pushing out his legs. “Me? Asleep on the job? Who do you take me for, Demyx?”

“You’re _kind_ of a slacker.” Roxas smiled at him, and Axel couldn’t help but smile back. You could almost say he was the person he liked the most at the Organization. 

Not that he’d admit it to Saix.

“Also, I didn’t want you to miss the sunrise.” Roxas leaned back against the bench, legs swinging back and forth. Axel was never one to be up early enough to see the sunrise, nor had he ever cared about it. But they were out here anyway, so…

“I didn’t take you for the romantic type.”

“What? I just think it’s pretty.”

Axel shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest, gazing at the horizon. The sky slowly, slowly, shifted from inky darkness to brighter shades of blue, to deep reds and oranges, the top of the sun just barely breaching the surface. Everything around him had gone completely still, silent, as he watched. He felt transfixed somehow. Like there was something about it that felt important, a nagging feeling at the back of his scalp. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow the sunrise was _wrong_.

The sky was soft pinks and red. Red like his hair. Red like his fingers, cold from too much ice cream. Red like the way Roxas’s cheeks flushed when he overexerted himself, pressed back to back, grateful for the sweat and heat, a reminder that he was still here, they were still here, together, safe. Red like fire, angry, cold to the touch. Red. The light was red.

“Shift’s up. Let’s get some grub.”

Axel jumped to his feet, sun full and bright in the sky, swaddled in a gentle blue. It burned.

* * *

“Finally, I’m starving.” The waitress dropped two plates of pancakes down in front of them. Roxas didn’t hesitate for a moment, practically dumped half the pitcher of syrup on his pancakes, and dug in. Axel at least _tried_ to have some civility. 

“Want some pancakes with that syrup?”

Roxas tried to protest, but his face was full. All he could do was grumble and chew, giving Axel a fake-displeased look.

He nibbled on his bacon, not feeling particularly hungry. There was some kind of knot in his stomach, like he’d been given a good one-two in the gut. Was he anxious? What in the world did he have to be anxious about? Was he worried? Sort of. He’d been spending a lot of time with Roxas. _Outside_ of work. It was, mostly, to help Roxas with his “investigation”, and even if they’d uncovered little to nothing at this point, it’d been oddly… fun.

But Saix had noticed. And Saix had said something, the other night, as he stepped out of the elevator to go home. He couldn’t read the look on his face.

_I see you’ve gotten friendly with Ventus’s brother._

For some reason, it really, _really_ bothered him.

“So I was thinking.” Roxas spoke between bites of pancake, chewing thoughtfully. “Later tonight, we don’t have to work. Did you… Did you want to hang out?” He sounded almost _shy_ about it, as if they hadn’t spent the last several days around each other. “We can do something fun.”

“Actually, I have plans already.” Axel frowned slightly, rubbing the side of his face. “With Saix.”

“Oh.” Roxas’s expression dropped immediately, and he suddenly became very interested in the crumbs on his plate.

Silence.

“It’s, you know. A weekly thing. On Fridays. It’s been part of the routine a long time. He’d be pissed if I up and cancelled.” He kept talking, and couldn’t stop. Why did it make him feel so guilty? What the hell was up with him?

“I get it. It’s fine.” Roxas dumped his crumpled napkin onto his empty plate. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah.” Axel drummed his fingers steadily against the table as Roxas stood. “Catch ya later, buddy.”

* * *

“If this keeps up, we might be out of a job.” Axel sprawled out on Saix’s couch, feet propped up on the nearby ottoman. “We haven’t had a monster sighting in _days_.”

Not that Axel particularly minded. Having time to relax helped clear his head, kept him sane. The crappiness that hung over him a week ago had slowly dissipated into normalcy, and only a mild but lingering headache remained. Not ideal, but he’d be grateful for any kind of status quo. 

“Feet off the furniture.” Saix walked into the room with two mugs, his face as expressionless as ever. Axel sighed, a little more loudly than necessary, and slowly slid his feet down to the floor.

“Hey, I remembered to take my shoes off this time, didn’t I?” He took Saix’s nonresponse as a form of acknowledgment. 

“I wouldn’t get too comfortable. Less monsters now means more later.” Saix settled down beside him and handed him a mug.

“Oh come on, you’ve got to have one optimistic bone in your body. Maybe this is a sign that the monsters are done for.” Axel took a long sip as he grinned at Saix. But Saix was practically rolling his eyes, nose wrinkled in that dissatisfied way that signaled he was trying to hide his amusement. 

“Speaking of monsters…” Axel took another sip from his mug and then set it down on the ottoman. “Roxas and I ran into something interesting the other night.”

“Interesting?” Saix narrowed his eyes slightly, lips pressing into a thin line. “Your report didn’t mention anything _interesting_.”

He scratched the back of his head, shooting Saix a sheepish smile. “Well, I promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you. He was pretty concerned about it, and I didn’t want to go around tattling when we only started getting friendly and all…”

Axel glanced over at Saix, who wore an uncharacteristic expression of impatience. 

“And?”

“We saw a guy in one of our uniforms. Except I don’t actually think he’s one of ours.”

“That _is_ interesting.” Saix leaned back, drink in his hands seemingly forgotten. “I’ll look into it.”

Well, that went better than expected. He’d been expecting a lecture.

“You’ll be working overtime for the next week, to make up for your failure.”

“Oh come on, seriously? Because I didn’t report it?”

Saix merely shrugged. Axel drummed his fingers against the armrest, watching Saix carefully. He didn’t want to completely betray Roxas’s trust, but Saix was an old friend, and his _boss_. If someone was running around in one of their uniforms, causing trouble, the boss was the best person to tell. But his reaction was… alarming. He’d expected something much more, well, _something_. He didn’t want to believe it, that Saix knew something. Knew something about the figure, about _Ventus_. His friend, his former partner, Roxas’s brother. 

But here he was, keeping information from Saix. Some friend he was. 

“Go ahead and punish me, but don’t be hard on Roxas. He already believes you hate him.” He grinned at Saix, hoping the change in topic would somehow lighten the weird mood.

“Really? What gave him that impression?” 

“I’m sure it was your stunning personality and award-winning smile.”

“Hmm.” Saix tapped his finger against his glass. “Does this mean you think I hate you, too?”

“What? No.”

The corner of Saix’s mouth curled up into a smile, and he chuckled, deep in his chest.

“Good. That would be a shame.” Saix set down his drink, then turned back to him, smile slowly spreading against his face. “Now, where were we.”

“Do you mean where were we before our food showed up, or after?” Axel watched as Saix slowly shifted himself into his lap, knees digging into the cushions. He licked his lips, running his fingers carefully, carefully up the curve of Saix’s back, waiting for an answer. But Saix responded by digging his fingers into his hair and grabbing a fistful, roughly pulling his head back. Axel grunted, and winced, but Saix lowered his head to the side of his throat, lips barely grazing his skin.

“After.”

_Thank fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May or may not have smut later, idk.


	4. Chapter 4

"Namine? Your sister’s name is Namine?"

Roxas glanced up at him, chewing on his wooden popsicle stick. "Uh, yeah?"

"Short, white blonde hair, blue eyed. That Namine?"

"You know any other Namines?" Roxas was giving him a weird look.

"I'm pretty sure I met her."

His memories of that night were vague. He remembered blurs, and pain, and he was pretty sure he almost got run over. And until right this moment he'd completely forgotten about meeting her, and he couldn't imagine how. Her face suddenly surfaced in his mind, clear as day, and something about it bothered him. Something else he needed to remember. Something...

"Wait, really? When? Before or after you started talking to me?"

Roxas clearly meant it as a joke, but Axel felt the tiniest twinge of guilt knowing he hadn't been the best coworker. But he put it out of his mind for now. No use dwelling on the past. 

“Before.”

"Huh." Roxas chewed idly on his stick and walked slightly ahead in silence. "She's home if you want to meet her."

"Yeah. Sure." For some reason he felt like it was important that he did.

_Namine. Namine. Waves crashing against the sand. Calling, calling, whispering. A faint hum, hiss of foam, gentle as tinkling bells..._

When Axel stepped inside the house the first thing he noticed were papers _everywhere_. The floors and walls were littered with them. They were covered in drawings, pictures of places he'd never seen before and strange but familiar faces. It wasn't what he'd expected at all.

"Sorry about the mess. Namine is an artist and sometimes she gets carried away..."

"My mess of an apartment isn't much better."

There was Namine, sitting at the kitchen table, the floor and surface littered with art supplies. She didn't' even seem to notice they'd walked in until Roxas interrupted her. Namine looked up in surprise, but then she smiled.

"Oh. Hello. I'm glad to see you again."

"Yeah. You too. Thanks for the other night..."

"How did you two meet?" Based on his expression, Axel was sure that Roxas was burning with curiosity.

"He almost got hit by a car."

"Woah, what?"

"I'm fine. Seriously. I was drunk." It was the best excuse he had, honestly.

Namine suppressed a laugh. "You look better."

"Yeah..." Axel ran his fingers through his hair. "What'cha drawing?"

Namine paused and set her crayon down. "Dreams." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh, I drew something for you."

Axel was perplexed. He'd known this girl all for two minutes and she drew him something?

"Yeah? I'm flattered."

A shuffle of papers and a scattering of crayons, and Namine had produced a sheet of paper from her scrapbook and handed it to him. "Here."

"Huh. It's me." It wasn't the most detailed drawing. It was crude, if anything, but the ridiculous amount of red hair on the doodle’s head made it pretty clear who it was supposed to be. But there was something else in the picture, too. "What is that? Some kind of giant key?"

"Sort of. It's a blade."

"Heh." Axel grinned as he moved the drawing over to Roxas, who was trying to peer under his arm for a look. "What'd ya think, Roxas? Fighting monsters with a giant key. I like my chakrams, but that'd be pretty cool." Roxas took the paper to get a better look, and Axel mimicked swinging around an invisible sword. "Maybe I should've taken fencing classes."

For an odd second, his fingers began to tingle as he reached out his hand in front of him, and then they burned, but not unpleasant. But one moment his hand was empty, gripping the invisible hilt of a blade, and the next... The next, it definitely _wasn't_ empty. He was so startled he almost dropped it, but the giant red key felt comfortable and secure in his grasp, his whole arm tingling with it.

“How did you do that?” Roxas seemed just as shocked as he was. “That’s so _cool_.”

“I have no idea.” He didn’t know what else to do but stare. He could summon his chakrams out of thin air, sure, but this… This was new. Did Namine know he could do this? It looked exactly like the one in the drawing. He looked at her helplessly, as if staring at her would make him understand, but her expression was unreadable, eyes transfixed on the giant key in his hand.

“Maybe I can do it, too.” Roxas stretched out his arm, hand groping at the air to mimic Axel just a moment ago, but nothing happened. The disappointment on Roxas’s face was almost adorable. 

“Let’s… keep this between the three of us, yeah?” The last thing he needed was Saix trying to question him about the sudden increase in his arsenal. Not that he knew how to use it…

“Lea.” When Namine spoke it was quiet, as if spoken just for him, to him. Roxas wasn’t even paying attention. “Don’t forget your promise.”

He wanted to ask what she meant, but suddenly the entire world shattered in front of him, splintering like glass and disintegrating into sand. And he was falling. Falling into nothing, a rushing sound in his ears, darkness engulfing him, but his whole arm _burned_. Burned bright in the dark like fire.

And when he woke up he was on his couch, in his apartment, curled up awkwardly with his arm folded uncomfortably beneath him, and Roxas had his head resting against his thigh, sleeping. Gingerly he moved his arm, wincing at the numbness and the slow spread of pins and needles spreading from his shoulder downwards. 

What had they been doing? He couldn’t remember…

* * *

“How about we take this baby out for a test drive?”

“Axel, you don’t know how to drive.”

“It’s a joke, Roxas, keep up.”

Roxas grinned and jabbed Axel roughly in the ribs—

_oof!_

\--and trotted on ahead down the street.

“I can’t believe you got a cool new weapon and all I got out of it was a stick.”

“Give yourself some credit. That stick could give someone deadly splinters.”

Axel carefully swung the giant bladed… key. Key sword? Key blade? Around in front of him, eyeing it carefully. It’d been a few days since he’d summoned it the first time, in Namine’s living room, and he still didn’t know how he felt about it. He’d chosen his preferred weapon when he’d first joined the Organization years ago. It was particularly _abnormal_ to suddenly just… think one into existence. Had Namine known, somehow, that he could do this?

Honestly, he was afraid to ask.

What would Saix say— _do_ \--if he’d found out? 

“Didn’t Ventus have a weapon like this?”

Roxas turned around to look at him, carefully walking backwards down the sidewalk, dragging his stick along. 

“I think so. Maybe? I…” He suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, looking lost in thought. The more time Axel spent with Roxas, the more he noticed that something seemed to be bothering him. Not just about Ventus. Something else, maybe more deeply personal. Sometimes, when they were alone on a mission or sitting in silence on his couch watching a movie together, he wanted to bring it up. But Axel figured he’d let Roxas share whatever he felt when he was ready.

But it was becoming harder and harder to squash the hurt that Roxas maybe didn’t trust him. Not fully.

After an entire minute of Roxas standing there staring into space, Axel was starting to get just a little, a tad, bit concerned. He waved the keyblade (what a dumb name) in front of his face.

“Hello. Earth to Roxas.”

“Hey. Axel. Fight me.” In a blink Roxas suddenly snapped back to attention, eyes fixated on the keyblade, a smile on his face.

“What?”

“Fight me. My stick against your keyblade. I want to see what it can do.” With the patience of a toddler he assumed a fighting stance, stick raised in the air, waiting.

“Alright. Your funeral.” No one was around. They _technically_ weren’t on duty. Why not?

Roxas lunged, swinging the stick right at his face (wow, rude), but Axel leaned back to avoid it. He spun around and advanced, swinging the keyblade in his directly. Roxas leaped back and extended the stick to defend himself.

With a quick snap, half the stick went flying in the opposite direction upon impact.

“Woah.” Roxas stopped, looking down at his now partially destroyed stick. Axel grinned, glancing in the direction the decapitated stick went.

“What a shame.”

Roxas seemed to take the moment of distraction as an opportunity, because suddenly he lashed out again, jutting the jagged end of the stick toward his stomach. Alarmed, Axel parried with the keyblade to block it.

_Clack_

_Sizzle_

_WHOOSH_

“Oh shi—” The end of the stick had suddenly erupted into flames, startling the both of them, and Roxas quickly threw it to the ground. Axel stomped it out with his boot.

“Now _that_ was cool.” Roxas nudged the charred remains of his sad little weapon with his foot.

“Not exactly my intention, but effective.” The keyblade didn’t even feel hot. Huh.

“I’m going to figure out how to get one of those, and _then_ I’ll show you— Hey!” Roxas’s mood shifted in a blink, and he was shouting. Axel spun on his heel to look in the direction Roxas was, only to catch a brief glimpse of a hooded figure dark behind a building.

“I knew it! They’re following me!” Roxas darted off ahead after them, leaving Axel in the dust. Why did he have to _do_ that? They were partners, for goodness sake!

Their mystery person gave a good chase. Roxas, despite his shorter legs, was somehow significantly faster than him and managed to keep the gap closed. He dove around the corner, pushed off the nearby wall and ran down a side street, hoping to cut them off before they had a chance to escape. 

Bingo. 

The street was a dead end, chain link fence blocking the only way out. Not that it stopped them from trying to get away. They scrambled to climb up the fence, lost their footing and slipped, giving him and Roxas enough time to pull the figure away and pin them to the ground.

“Who are you? Why have you been following me? What did you do to Ventus!?” Roxas was shouting again, the both of them struggling to keep their unwelcome guest from struggling away. 

“Get _off_ of me!” they shrieked, trying in vain to rip their arm free from Axel’s grasp.

It almost worked, too, because suddenly his vision swam, and a loud ringing filled his ears as his head throbbed. 

_exist exist_

_Do I really exist_

_I remember_

_A sham, a puppet_

_remember remember  remember_

_You promised, promise, please_

_**Let me go.**_

“Axel!”

He hadn’t even realized he’d loosened his grip. The fuzzy feeling suddenly vanished at the sound of Roxas’s voice, pleading, and he tightened his grasp, shoving the figure back down against the ground. Roxas reached out a hand and grabbed their hood, quickly pulling it back.

It was a girl. Piercing blue eyes, angry, afraid. Hair pitch black. She almost…

She almost looked like Namine.

“Let me go! Please, you’re hurting me!”

_please, please please, I have to do this_

Both he and Roxas were silent, staring at this girl no taller than Roxas himself. Could it really be…?

“We’ll let you go if you answer some questions.”

The girl looked over at him, biting her lip, and slowly, very slowly, nodded.

“Who are you?” Roxas’s expression seemed to have softened once he’d seen the girls face. 

“I’m… Xion.” She was frowning, breathing hard, clearly trying not to panic. “I’m sorry I’ve been… been following you. But I don’t know who Ventus is, really!”

Axel glanced her over, looking for any sign she might be playing them for saps. She seemed sincere, at least right now, but something kept drawing his eyes back to her face. It was unnerving somehow. 

“So why are you following us, then?”

Xion’s brow furrowed and she looked nervous.

“The monsters…”

Axel and Roxas shared a quick glance.

“You’ve been controlling them?” 

“What? No! I’ve been protecting you.”

“ _Protecting_ us?” Roxas looked very, _very_ confused, and Axel remained silent. 

“Well, they leave you alone when I’m around…”

The headache was back, nagging, a throbbing pressure at his temples. Finally, Axel fully released his grip and sat back.

“Alright. I’m convinced. You’re not who we thought you were.” This entire conversation was bringing up more and more questions and he couldn’t handle it. Not right now.

Roxas slowly released his grip too, embarrassed and apologetic. “Sorry. Are you hurt?”

Xion quickly sat up and scooted away from the both of them, hugging herself. “No…”

“Well, um… Do you like ice cream? We can get ice cream and figure this all out. Right, Axel?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He was rubbing his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. “Ice cream. Sure.”

Roxas extended a hand and helped Xion to her feet, but Axel stayed sitting on the ground. 

“Is he okay?” Xion’s voice suddenly sounded very far away.

When he opened his eyes again he was staring down the end of the street, past the chain link fence. And standing there at the other side…

“Wait, who’s…”

A tall, hooded man, standing in silence, a finger pointed directly at him. And he could hear… whispering?

“You made a promise. Don’t you remember, Lea?” That name, it was so _familiar--_

“Who’s what?” Roxas chimed in behind him, and when he blinked once, twice, the apparition had disappeared. 

He had a bad feeling about this.

“Nothing, never mind.” He slowly pushed himself to his feet. “How about that ice cream, eh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I combined two chapters for this one because the first part was way too short. I hope you enjoy the descent into madness!


	5. Chapter 5

They got next to nothing out of Xion. Why is she wearing an Organization cloak? I don’t remember. How does she know she keeps the monsters away? A shrug. Why was she following them? A vague response about protecting them. The lack of answers was enough to make him hit his head against the wall. But he didn’t, mainly because of Roxas.

Despite his initial hostility, he’d warmed up to Xion fast. That didn’t surprise him, considering how fast Roxas had gotten over his reservations with him. In the slow brightening of the day, he and Xion were paling around with their ice cream like old friends. And he felt… nostalgic. 

Maybe he should learn to embrace the weird.

“So, Xion. Where do you live, anyway?” He figured it was an innocent enough question but Xion’s smile dropped, and she seemed to fold into herself, giving only a shrug in response. It seemed to be her default response to anything she didn’t want to say. “No parents worried about you? Nothing?”

Her silence was both frustrating and concerning. Was she living on the _streets_?

“Xion, that’s terrible.” Roxas was grabbing onto her arm and looking up at him. “We should take her to your place.”

Axel balked. “ _My_ place?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Why not _your_ place.”

“Namine lives there.”

“So?”

“I… don’t want her to know what’s going on.”

_Wow, Roxas. What an answer._ He sighed and rubbed the side of his face with his hand, then slowly combed through his hair.

“Fine. Fine. We’ll go to my place.” Man, he needed to nap. “Since we’re friends and all.”

“Really?” Xion was looking up at him, eyes wide and blue and so familiar he had to look away.

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Alright!” Roxas leaped up from the bench, pulling out his phone. “Slumber party at Axel’s.”

“Yeah!” Xion followed suit, looking significantly more chipper than she’d been all night. 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves…”

* * *

Axel wasn’t used to entertaining guests. Whenever he was with Saix, it was at _his_ apartment, which was much bigger, and nicer, and had plenty of spare pillows to go around. He spent the better part of ten minutes digging through his linen closet, trying to uncover some long forgotten pillows and sheets smashed underneath toilet paper and cleaning supplies. When by some miracle he pulled out an extra blanket, he gave it a quick sniff to make sure it wasn’t, you know… molding or something. Then tossed it onto his loveseat with an extra pillow.

“Here, that should do the trick.” 

Xion lifted the blanket and wrapped it around herself before settling down on the chair. It almost seemed to swallow her up, and she looked adorably cozy. 

“I’m taking the bed.” Roxas had already sprawled out on top of the sheets before Axel could even protest.

“Hey, that’s _my_ bed.”

“Friends don’t let friends sleep on the floor.”

“So where do I sleep, _friend_?” Axel was having trouble stopping himself from grinning.

“Your bed is _huge_. I only have a twin at home. We can share it.” He paused. “I promise I won’t hog the blankets.”

Axel didn’t believe him for a second. But Xion was giggling from over in her corner of the room.

“You two must be pretty good friends.”

Axel shrugged, finally kicking off his boots as he sat down on his bed. “You could say that.” He glanced over to Roxas, but he was already out cold, snoozing away on top of most of the blankets. Whatever, he didn’t even need them, anyway. 

“Damn. That was fast.”

Xion quietly settled down into the loveseat and got herself comfortable. Axel could see her glancing over at him as he fluffed up his pillow.

“Got a problem?”

Xion shook her head, covering most of her face with her blanket. It looked like she was blushing.

“No… Just. Thank you. For this. And for not beating me up earlier.” 

Yeesh. That felt like months ago, already.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it. Just go to sleep.” He reached over to turn off his lamp and the room was swallowed up into darkness. Head still slightly achy and feeling like his limbs were made a lead, Axel flopped down face first into the cool side of his pillow, trying to ignore the fact his usually empty, lonely little studio suddenly felt overflowing and warm.

* * *

He heard someone fumbling around in the dark, a thump, and a soft _ow_. Axel sat up, reaching over for the lamp and turning it on. Xion froze, then turned slowly, looking at him with big, guilty eyes.

“Sorry. So sorry.” She spoke loud enough to cause Roxas to stir, and she lowered her voice to a soft whisper. “I was just… Bathroom.”

He raised his brows slightly, then pointed to the other side of the room. Xion nodded and ducked quickly towards the bathroom. Axel contemplated going back to sleep, but he was awake now, and honestly he felt like he and this mysterious new friend of theirs needed to talk. He played around on his phone while he waited, and Xion seemed surprised to find him still awake when she returned.

“I woke you. Sorry.”

Axel slowly put the phone down, and then carefully pulled himself out of bed, trying not to jostle Roxas too much. He obviously needed the sleep.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” He stood up, taking a moment to stretch. “But you and I need to talk.”

Xion chewed her lip nervously, sitting back down on the loveseat. 

“Talk? I already told you everything I know.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Axel stepped over into the kitchen, pulling a glass from the shelf. “You can stay here as long as you need to. If you want.” He flipped on the sink, filling the glass with water. “But you have to tell me what’s up with you eventually. No more of this vague answer shit. Got it?”

She’d, what? Crash on his loveseat for a few days and hopefully go home. And if not he’d… arrange something else. His apartment was too small for this, and he didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, either. Xion seemed to contemplate this, and eventually smiled. But there was just a hint of sadness there. 

“You’re really sweet, Axel.” 

“I’d hope so, with all the ice cream I eat.”

“ _Hah._ ” Xion chortled, then covered her mouth, watching as Roxas flung an arm over his face and groaned. 

“Shut uuuup.” Roxas rolled over and whined into his pillow. Axel grinned in amusement, patting the top of Roxas’s incredibly spiked and messy hair. Well, messier than usual, as he laughed. Xion joined in soon after, resulting in Roxas propping himself up on his elbows to stare dejectedly at them.

“What time is it?”

“I don’t know, 4?”

Roxas sighed and pulled himself up out of the bed. “I guess I should go, then. Namine will be mad at me if I’m not home for dinner.” He gave a quick wave to Xion as he headed out the door. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. I’ll be here.”

Roxas was beaming as he walked out the door, and for the first time, Axel felt _jealous_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is totally normal and A-Ok.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra long chapter update today!

Axel wasn’t going to lie. It was kind of weird having someone living in his apartment with him. It wasn’t that Xion was an unideal house guest. She was quiet, and kept to herself. Sometimes he completely forgot she was there. He’d turn around, and there she was, watching him, startling the absolute shit out of him. And if he looked at her long enough, or at the right angle, he’d be overwhelmed with a wave of deja vu, strong enough to leave him reeling, almost nauseated. He told himself it was the resemblance to Namine. That’s all.

He was so used to living alone, _being_ alone, he didn’t know what to do with himself. It wasn’t just Xion, either. Roxas was with him all the time, now, too. Sometimes he’d catch himself ginning so much his entire face hurt, and he’d watch the two of them laughing together, and he’d suddenly want to cry. And despite his worsening headache, the constant low ringing in his ears, he loved it. More than anything.

He couldn’t say the same for Saix.

By the time Friday rolled around again, Axel just wanted to go home and sleep. He figured he’d pop a few painkillers and sleep off his persistent migraine, but that meant cancelling his weekly plans. He and Saix were friends, sure, but he was dreading it. One cancellation wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Are you interested in Thai tonight?” Saix glanced over at him in the elevator, but Axel tried hard to avoid his gaze without being too obvious about it.

“Actually, I… I think I’m going to stay home tonight.” There was no response. Nothing. Saix wasn’t even looking at him and Axel wanted to crawl underneath a rock. “I haven’t been feeling too hot, so.”

“Mmm.” Saix was looking down at his phone now, still not looking at him, still not saying anything. Was this how he was going to die? Stuck in an elevator with Saix, slowly suffocated by anxiety and passive aggression? What an awful way to go. 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe until they reached the bottom floor, elevator slowly sliding open its doors to freedom. They stepped out together, Axel’s shoulders hunched uncomfortably, waiting, waiting…

“Axel.” Saix’s voice was calm, but he could see something dark behind his eyes. “Don’t forget who your real friends are.” And then we walked away, through the glass revolving doors, leaving Axel to stand there and watch.

The moon was full tonight.

* * *

He felt like he was slowly losing his mind. Since that night, with Xion, he couldn’t shake the feeling he was being watched. Constantly. All the time. Even alone in the shower, the paranoia was there. Granted, Xion was living in his apartment, but he didn’t exactly take her for a peeping tom, even if she _had_ been stalking Roxas... Supposedly.

It was worse at night. In the absence of the light he thought he could hear footsteps, hear someone whispering in his ear, someone standing close enough to make his hair stand on end. But he’d look around, _really_ look, and no one was there. No one he didn’t expect to be there, anyway. But he was definitely hearing something. _Maybe I should see a doctor_...

His mood instantly lifted once he was home. In the cozy warmth of Xion and Roxas’s company, everything felt safe and normal, like it should be. He didn’t even mind that he knew next to nothing about Xion. He was just happy that the two of them were happy.

“So, Axel.” Roxas was holding two pizza boxes in his arms as Axel fumbled around his pockets, looking for his keys. He expected Roxas to keep talking, but an awkward silence followed.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Hanging out with you both. Why?” Where the hell did his keys go? Why wasn’t Xion answering the door? Damn it.

“I was thinking, maybe me and you. We could go out somewhere. Dinner, maybe.”

Axel paused, shifting slightly to look at Roxas over his shoulder. 

“Just the two of us?”

Roxas nodded enthusiastically.

“Like on a date?” In the dim hallway lights Axel could see Roxas’s cheeks flush, and he couldn’t help but grin. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I think we can do that.” He turned back around, resuming his search for his missing keys. Roxas was practically buzzing with excitement next to him.

“Also, I think your keys are over there.” Roxas pointed with his foot at the corner of the door, where his keys sat, lonely and forgotten, covered in dirt.

“Were you waiting to ask me out before telling me that?” Axel squatted down to scoop up the keys and finally opened the door. Roxas had a stupid grin on his face. “If the pizza is cold, I’m blaming you.”

* * *

“When will you be back?” Xion was sitting on the edge of the loveseat, uncertain and nervous, hands twisted up in her lap. 

“Don’t know. Later tonight, maybe?” He didn’t understand why Xion seemed so nervous. He and Roxas were going on a date, not leaving town for a week. 

“Oh. Okay. Have fun…” Her shoulders slumped slightly and she leaned back in the seat, defeated. 

“I’ll bring you back something from the restaurant. I hear they have fantastic cheesecake.” He slipped on his coat and grabbed the keys off the counter. He waited at the door, standing partway outside, hand gripping the doorknob. But Xion didn’t respond, and he left, worry eating him up inside.

He met Roxas at the restaurant, and by then any concerns he had all but vanished. The night was nice enough. They stopped for ice cream after dinner and eventually made their way to Roxas’s home, since it was closer. Namine quietly snuck off to her room when they’d arrived, so he and Roxas took up residence in the kitchen.

“Did you really cancel on Saix the other day?” Roxas looked impressed, and maybe a little skeptical. “How did _that_ go.”

“Well… He wasn’t happy about it.” Axel shrugged, then nervously ran his fingers through his hair. He’d been trying to avoid thinking about it too much, since all it did was leave him uncharacteristically anxious about the entire situation. He’d made an attempt to strike up a conversation, over text, but his attempt to reach out had been completely ignored.

It was reasonable to assume Saix was pissed.

“That explains the weird look he gave me the other day.”

Axel looked up when Roxas spoke. “Weird look?”

“Yeah. Like, he was mad at me about something. Usually he just kind of ignores me unless he’s giving me orders.” Roxas hopped up onto the counter. 

“Are you sure you’re not just being paranoid with him?”

“ _No_.” Roxas looked offended. “I’m telling you, he knows something about Ventus, and he hates me.” He turned to look at Axel, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Maybe he’s the jealous type.”

“Seriously. No.” Saix, jealous? Involved in some crazy conspiracy to put a coworker in a coma and monsters? No way. “Also, we haven’t found any evidence that he’s involved with Ventus at all.” He hated talking about Ventus. He felt… weird, about it. Like he didn’t know how to feel about him, though Ventus had been his longtime friend and partner. It also seemed to put Roxas in a strange funk whenever his brother was brought up, and he’d hate the mood of the night to be ruined because of that. Axel decided he should change the mood, and fast.

“I need to show you something.” Before Axel could think of a smooth transition into a more lighthearted topic, Roxas was jumping off the counter and walking out of the kitchen, down a hallway. Cautiously, Axel followed, down the dark hall into Roxas’s room, where Roxas had dropped down onto his hands and knees and was fishing for something under the bed.

“Is this your way of telling me you have monsters under your bed?” Axel smiled a little, watching his friend slowly pull a large, dusty book out from the depths of his mattress. Roxas propped himself up against the bedframe and sat with the book in his lap, patting the space next to him. Axel obliged. 

Roxas flipped through pages of the book, filled with pictures of him, and Namine, and Ventus. Some kind of old photo album. And then Roxas stopped, tapping a fading picture of himself together with Namine and Ventus, smiling, happy, but Ventus was holding… a keyblade.

“I told you he had a weapon like that, but you doubted me.” Roxas handed the book over to Axel, so he could get a closer look. “It looks different than yours, but it’s definitely a keyblade. The question is, why do _you_ suddenly have one?”

Axel didn’t have an answer. He had to admit, it was a pretty weird coincidence that the keyblade showed up when they tried to investigate Ventus. But that didn’t mean there was some kind of conspiracy behind it, and it certainly didn’t mean Saix was involved somehow. What could he do to get Roxas to let it go? What could he do to get things back to the way they were? He stared at the picture, studying every detail, for some kind of sign, answer, clue, _anything_. But the longer he looked the more warped and bizarre the picture became, the faces began to blur and distort, and he looked away, handing the book back to Roxas.

“Let’s do something else.”

Roxas didn’t respond. He glanced over just in time to see a tear roll down Roxas’s face, plopping down onto the plastic covering of the photographs. His shoulders heaved, and more tears followed, until he was outright sobbing beside him.

Shit. _Shit._

Confused and startled, Axel wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed Roxas tightly against him.

“Woah, woah. What just happened? Are you okay?”

“Axel, I… I think something’s wrong with me.”

“What do you mean, wrong with you?”

“I’ve been having these weird thoughts lately. And it’s getting worse. I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey,” he started, softly, an uneasy feeling in his stomach. “Hey. Take a deep breath. You’ve been going through a lot. There’s nothing wrong with you.” He pulled Roxas in a little closer, and Roxas pressed his face into Axel’s chest. He went silent, just gently combing his fingers through Roxas’s hair. 

“It feels like none of this is real.”

Axel frowned, dipping down to press his lips to Roxas’s hair.

“I’m real. You’re real. We’re both here, right now. Together. It’s okay.”

To his surprise Roxas suddenly looked up, eyes red rimmed and face tear streaked, staring at him suspiciously. And then Roxas was _kissing_ him, a little more aggressively than necessary, but Axel wasn’t going to complain. He pulled Roxas into his lap, shoving the stupid photo album onto the floor and returning the kiss, fingers tickling down the back fo Roxas’s hair and spine. Slowly, slowly, he began to relax, sobbing subsided, and Axel felt like he could finally relax, too. Like he’d been a tightly wound coil, unable to loosen since he woke up in that damp alleyway, but releasing all at once. Man, it felt good.

“I told you I was real.” He brushed his nose up to Roxas’s ear, planting a small kiss at his temple.

“I just… had to make sure.” He could feel Roxas burning red under his lips, heart beating hard against his chest, a soothing, comforting sound that was oddly satisfying to hear.

His head didn’t hurt anymore.

* * *

“Lea! Lea!”

Someone was screaming in his ear, scared, desperate. It was _annoying_. He was trying to sleep here…

“You’re losing yourself, Lea. You have to remember!”

Who the hell was Lea? Why did he have to care? The world was burning.

“We’re running out of time. You have to save Sora. _Wake up_.”

He was suddenly staring up at the ceiling of Roxas’s room, Roxas curled up against his side, head resting on his chest. With a side he threw an arm over his eyes, blocking out the sunlight that poured into the room, grumbling to himself. He was in bed with Roxas, like hell he wasn’t going to enjoy himself.

“Fucking nightmares…”

* * *

They returned to his apartment _much_ later than he'd intended. He hadn’t meant to spend the night with Roxas, but he didn’t regret it. He felt a million times better than he had the past few weeks. He felt _amazing_ even, and they’d taken most of the day curled in bed, sleeping on and off, relishing in the lack of fogginess that had been clouding him. It was late afternoon by the time they’d walked back to his apartment.

It was dark, silent, empty. Axel flipped on the light and kicked off his shoes, taking a look around. He felt like something was missing. Something important. Something...

Oh _shit_. Xion. He’d completely forgotten about her, that he’d left her here alone all night without even a text, He was going to bring her a slice of cheesecake, too. Axel mentally kicked himself, as he glanced around. The bathroom was unoccupied. No one was in the kitchen. She’d all but disappeared.

"Huh. I wonder where Xion went."

Roxas glanced over from his spot in the kitchen, wiping at his mouth after a long sip of orange juice.

"Who's Xion?"

Axel paused and looked over. "Are you... joking?"

Roxas frowned, brow furrowing in frustration. "No. I don't know anyone named Xion. Is that like a roommate or something?"

If it was a joke, it wasn't an exceptionally good one. But the sincerity on Roxas's voice told him that it wasn't a joke at all, and he was feeling more and more alarmed by the second.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"We've been friends with Xion for a while now."

Roxas was no longer looking at him. In fact, he was avoiding his eyes all together, fussing with the dishes in the sink. 

"Well, they're not here. So it doesn't matter."

"I think it does."

"Just _drop_ it already!" Roxas rounded on him suddenly, voice taking on an angry tone he hadn't heard before. "You're making this person up to mess with me, it's not funny."

"That's fucking ridiculous, Roxas, what the hell." Axel ran his hands through his hair, all the giddiness form the night before quickly evaporating into nothing. How the hell could he possibly forget about Xion? Did Roxas hit his head or something? There wasn’t enough _what the fuck_ in the world to prepare him for this kind of conversation.

"Stop looking at me like that." Roxas was glaring at him now, fists clenched tight, knuckles white.

"Like what?" 

"Like there's something wrong with me!"

"Roxas, I'm not--"

"There's nothing wrong with me, _stop it_." He was completely shouting now, almost shaking. "I'm out of here, fuck this." He was heading for the door, but alarm bells were ringing in his head. Something was absolutely not right. He moved to stop Roxas from going, but he smacked his arm away.

"Just leave me alone."

And he was out the door, stomping down the corridor, but all Axel could do was stand there and watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Axel isn't the only one with memory problems. :^)


	7. Chapter 7

The headache was back.

He hadn't even realized it'd been gone. It had been a blissful 24 hours, but now it was back, worse than before, taking over the entire left side of his face and making his eyes blur. Roxas wasn't responding to his texts since he'd marched out of his apartment. Calls went directly to voicemail. And Xion... He had no way to contact her, and she hadn't returned. Worry swirled and coiled in his gut. Did something happen to her? To Roxas? Things were getting weirder by the day and he had no idea how to stop it.

He'd popped a few pills and almost drifted off to sleep, head swirling with thoughts of the weird sort. But his phone ringing woke him, and he groaned and covered his head with his pillow. He didn't even bother to answer. Just the sound itself made his head feel like it was about to split open, and when it finally stopped he was immensely relieved. But it started up again and he sat up, defeated. 

Roxas. It was Roxas. 

He grabbed the phone off the bedside table so fast he almost dropped it, and answered in a flash.

"Hey. Roxas."

He was answered by silence, broken only by a few sniffles and an uneasy, shaky inhale.

"Hey."

"Are you okay?" Roxas didn't _sound_ okay.

"Ventus is gone."

He suddenly felt cold all over.

"Gone? WHat do you mean, gone?"

"He's-- He's not at the hospital. He disappeared. They don't know where he went."

What the actual fuck. How does a guy in a coma just disappear from the hospital?

"Shit. Roxas, where are you? I'll come over and--"

"No." Roxas cut him off sharply, and Axel pressed his lips together. "I don't want you here. I just thought... I thought you needed to know." And then the line went dead.

Fuck. _Fuck fuck fuck._

He didn't care what Roxas said. Ventus was _missing_ , and he wasn't just going to lay here and feel sorry for himself. He practically ran through the streets, down the familiar path to Roxas's home, and he knocked aggressively until someone answered.

Namine opened the door, face lined with worry. 

"Axel."

"Hey. I heard what happened. With Ventus." He paused, watching as Namine slowly nodded and moved to let him inside. "Is Roxas here?"

"No." Namine leaned against the nearby wall, hugging herself tight. "He hasn't been home. He's looking for Ventus."

"Shit." Where would a comatose guy go? Had he been kidnapped, somehow? By their mysterious, hooded stalker? No... "Do you have any idea where he'd be looking?"

"I wish I did." There was an edge to Namine's voice. "I'm blind to this. I didn't think..." She trailed off, dropping her shoulders as she looked up at him. "You can find them, can't you?"

He was already listing off places in his head to look. Around the hospital, certainly. Some of the familiar haunts he and Ventus used to go, maybe. He was antsy to leave, but he didn't want to leave Namine here alone...

"Yeah. I guess. You can come with me, if you want. Two sets of eyes are better than one."

"I'm going to stay here." She was bending down to pick up the sketchbook sitting on the nearby table. "In case one of them shows up. But call me if you find anything, please?"

"Course. Yeah." He felt like running, running, running. Ignoring the way thunder rumbled in the distance, eerie. Daunting. "See you."

He gave a little wave as he jogged out the front door.

_Damn it, Roxas. You better be okay._

Everything had been peachy keen for all of one day, and suddenly it was going to shit. He tried the hospital first, but no luck. No sign of Roxas anywhere, or Ventus for that matter. He could feel the static in the air as the dark clouds overhead became more overbearing, and he pulled the hood of his jacket up over his head when he felt the first threatening trickles of rain on his skin. 

This would be so much easier if Roxas would answer his damn phone.

“Axel. Wait.”

He almost didn’t hear the voice, so quiet and hesitant he could almost pass it off as him hearing things. But he stopped in his tracks and turned to face a nearby wall. 

“Roxas?”

“No.” Xion stepped slowly out of the darkness, eyes glued to the cement beneath them. “It’s just me.”

Well. That was one pipsqueak accounted for. He felt the tightness in his chest ease, just a little.

“Where have you been? You didn’t even leave a note.”

For the briefest of moments, he saw Xion look up at him, brows shoot up in surprise, like he’d said something like “ _hey, Xion, I have an extra head growing out my ass_ ”.

“You remember.” She looked down again, wringing her hands. “That’s…”

“How could I not? You’ve been living in my house. Let’s go back and get out of the rain, before it gets worse.”

“No. I can’t.” Xion shook her head, taking a step back. “Roxas doesn’t remember me. You won’t, either.”

Fucking hell, his head was pounding. Axel threw his arms up, exasperated.

“I don’t have time for this. I need to find Roxas and Ventus. Come home.” Home. He figured she just lived there now. But Xion was unmoved. She rolled her shoulders back and looked up at him.

“I’m only here because I know where Roxas is. He’s… in trouble.”

Fuck.

He grabbed Xion by the shoulders, gently, but firm.

“You’ve seen him? Where is he?” Xion pointed down the street. Axel sighed, took a step back. 

“You better be at the apartment when I get back. Don’t make me find you again.”

* * *

“Roxas!”

He could see him and his stupid spiky blonde hair, bobbing along down the street, flattened by the rain. He was out of breath by the time he reached him, and as he got closer Roxas held out a hand, to stop him.

“Get away from me.”

“Listen. I don’t know what’s happening, but Namine is worried, _I’m_ worried. Let’s go back, and we can find Ventus together.”

“This isn’t about Ventus and you know it!” He threw his hand back. “Ever since I started getting close to you, I’ve been having these thoughts… Remembering things. About me. About _you._ ” Axel didn’t know what to say, and he stared at Roxas in silence as he continued. “You and Saix. You know something. Both of you have been lying to me. I need to know who I am!”

Roxas was sounding more and more unhinged by the second. Axel rubbed at his face, trying not to lose his cool.

“Just… take a breath. Come home with me and we’ll—”

“No.” Roxas turned his back to him and Axel could feel his stomach drop. “I’m not going back. You can’t make me go back! _Augh_.” Roxas stumbled for a moment, clutching his head, and Axel almost stepped forward, reaching for him. But Roxas rightened himself and stepped away.

“Roxas. Please.”

“I’m leaving. Don’t come after me.” He stalked off, and ever fiber in his body was screaming at him to follow. But Axel was paralyzed; he couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, he could only watch as Roxas walked away from him, again, slowly disappearing as the rain dropped heavily from the sky.

_Please._

_Don’t leave._

_Not again._

* * *

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

He shouldn’t have let Roxas go. He shouldn’t have left Xion alone. And now _Ventus_ was missing. The longer he stood there in the rain, mind buzzing with confusion, the angrier he became, until anger was all he had left. Everything was _shit_. A big pile of it, and he wanted an explanation. Axel had gone from mind numbing normalcy to utter chaos in such a short span that it just couldn’t be right. Maybe some higher power was punishing him, slapping him and his friends around while laughing as they floundered.

Or maybe it was Saix.

Saix had threatened him in the elevator. Saix had been in charge since the beginning. Saix had “found” Ventus’s body, after the incident. Saix was supposed to be his _friend_.

The heat flickered white hot under his skin, boiling his blood. He’d get his answers, one way or another. For Roxas’s sake. For Ventus. Axel stomped off to his former friend’s place in a daze, then pounded on the door until it swung open.

“It’s the middle of the night. What do you think you’re—” But Axel didn’t wait for him to finish. Soaking wet, boots muddied, he moved inside the apartment. Saix’s insulted face would have been hilarious if not for the situation.

“What did you do to Roxas?”

“Excuse me?”

“You did something. You did something to Ventus, too, didn’t you?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me!” And like a flash, he had keyblade in hand, warm and thrumming in his grasp, edged up against Saix’s throat. He looked surprised for a moment, and then his expression dropped, eyes narrowed, pushing the blade away with a finger.

“You come into my home, accuse me of some kind of crime, and then threaten me.” His voice was cool, and it just made him angrier. “You should really try to keep your temper in check, Axel.”

“Tell me the truth, and I’ll be out of your hair for good.”

Saix seemed to study him for a moment, then shrugged. “The truth about what, exactly? It seems like Roxas has been filling your head with fanciful tales.”

“Ventus is missing.” Saix looked at him, expression unmoving. “By your reaction, I see you already know that.”

“I know everything that goes on in the Organization.”

“So then you know what’s going on. With the monsters. With Roxas.” Maybe… even Xion?

“I’m afraid I can’t help you.” 

Axel disbanded the keyblade and took a step back. “And here I thought we were friends.”

“We haven’t been friends for a long time.” Saix’s voice was bitterly cold, stare piercing, sharp enough to sink into his chest like ice. 

Just a moment ago Axel had been ready to fill this apartment with a flurry of flames, attack relentlessly until something started to make sense again, but just like that the desire was gone. Saix’s words hit him deep, somewhere, leaving nothing but a smoldering ache in his chest, to join all the other pains he’d been collecting recently. Threatening Saix with violence wouldn’t get him anywhere. He had to be smart, and he had to find Ventus first. 

“Yeah. I see that now.” Axel turned on his heel, and just for kicks, wiped his dirtied boots on Saix’s rug. A petty farewell present. “I’ll figure this out on my own, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while.


End file.
